100th Feeling

這個星期其實有很多感受想寫出來
但想到這是第100篇blog文
想總結腦袋裡一些東西......
不知不覺間這個"SINg a LONG S@NG"已經3個多月了
在這些日子裡
得到了很多
失去的太多
短時間的得到加失去所形成的化學反應
便是一個不知所謂的自己
和價值觀嚴重扭曲的後遺症
以前一直所相信、所明白、所去做的
通通不見了
迷失的我，不知道該相信甚麼
唯有不斷去看，去想
所看所想的將是我未來的指引
希望不是一個錯誤的改變
我不是沒有動力，毅力，勇氣...
只是一輛的士，不知目的地是那裡
在原地不停自轉，分不清方向
直至現在，我也不知道自己在做甚麼
混混噩噩的過每天
雖然和同事，朋友和家人過得很開心
但這種沒有目標的生活......很可怕
可怕得像窒息一樣
留在這裡，情感上的創傷終有一日會不再痛
但只是自己對所有事變得麻目吧了
...這真的是我想要的結果嗎？...
還有一個月便是約定的日子
在迷霧中的自己
在看不見的道路上
那將是怎樣的日子呢？

It may not be a nice day ......

　
　

Heartbreaker

If I become the memory
Let me stay in your mind
For a little bit longer
Don't forget me so fast
Cos there is no place for me to stay
Heart-pain become so numb
Everyday is hard for me
The dream, the memory is the willpower
It is the only thing I can use to stand for myself
I don't know how long I can stand
Do my best as I can
The string is pulling, pulling so tightly
Until it snapped into two half
Extremely pain, but I holding back my tears
... Just like a heartbreaker ...

An unfilial son

今早和母親閒談一輪，每次都感到十分痛心
雖然她沒有說什麼
但從她的表情，言談中字裡行間
都感受到她為我擔心
我不是一個好兒子
明白”孝順”這二字也只不過７、８年前的事
在這之前我更是一個自我中心的*XX
但在父母，尤其是母親的”呵護”下
我只是不想 ”樹欲靜而風不息”
這令我更明白”孝順 ”、”珍惜”這些字背後的沈重
現在要在這時候，在她有至親的離開
再加上我這次不孝的行為
我真的十分內疚．．．
但卻不能因此而停下來．．．不可以．．．
雖然我明白只要我不令他們擔心已經是”孝順 ”他們
但我更”珍惜”和他們，及所有人一齊的時間
如果要我散盡金錢、減壽，可以換來他們健康平安
那真的絲毫不想地應承

自己變得太眼淺，一想到這些

不其然就有哭的衝動
這數個月都是自己一個人哭
但今天卻想在一個人懷內哭
希望是周獸那或 Angleardaddy
（不想在公司哭，唯有對自己講難 gag）
．．．．．．
如果”珍惜”等於不想令自己深愛的人擔心的話
我真的不想任何人為我擔心
而我更會珍惜身邊所有人和事
包括．．．你．．．

*在你認知中最粗俗、用來罵人的說話代替XX

On bed

用了一個多小時
去看這數個月我寫的文章
去感受這段日子以來的傷感
不能否認我在折磨自己
但這樣才能了解自己更多
因為......我太懦弱了
不得不承認的事實
可能因為傷心的感覺又回來了
晚上的憂鬱又發作
想著你，我心在痛
忘掉你，又捨不得
只可以......

Russian Roulette

Playing Russian Roulette game
Miss a shot, what a shame
Every try is the same
Let me murder my own vulnerability
I will take all the blame
To exchange all the pain

Stood up on the floor, read out the vow
To show my guilty on the blog
"I will never love anymore"
Is it the honor my promise,
Or the lies make me frustrated?

The promise cannot be fulfill
Equal to the lies, can't make it real
Fire to the liar, use my own gun
The bullet has no bias, hopeless to won
I am a loser, no faith, no bravery, no guts
But I'm not the selfisher that needs to run
The muzzle point to me, say the words from my heart
...... I ...... [bang!]

Groove in heart

Gorillaz - Dirty Harry

...

I need a gun to keep myself from harm
The poor people are burning in the sun
But they ain't got a chance
They ain't got a chance
I need a gun
'Cos all I do is dance
'Cos all I do is dance
.
.
.
I need a gun to keep myself along...

I don't need a heart, just need a gun?
To keep myself from pain
To keep myself from sadness
Fill in the bullet, load into the shooter
Aim to my heart, synchronize rhythm
Five, Four, Three, Two, One...
Press the trigger, is time to over
It's really groove, isn't it, loser?

Smile

If you have seen the film "Batman - The dark Knight (2008)"
You must remember the actor "Heath Ledger" (The Joker)
In the film, there are two shots The Joker explain why his face like that
One is related to his father, another one is related to his ex-wife
This is the one related to his wife: (2:07 - 3:14)

"...You look nervous. Is it the scars? You wanna know how I got 'em? Come here. Look at me. So I had a wife. Beautiful, like you, who tells me I worry to much. Who tells me I ought to smile more. Who gambles and gets in deep with the sharks? One day they carve her face. We have no money for surgeries. She can't take it. I just wanna see her smile again. I just want her to know that I don't care about the scars! So, I stick a razor in my mouth and do this, to myself. And you know what? SHE CAN'T STAND THE SIGHT OF ME! She leaves. Now I see the funny side. Now I'm always smiling!..."

That's the one scars story of Joker
Maybe the story is Joker's imagination, not real
The story is really sad, but I can't fully understand what Joker's feeling
However I know what the feeling is now......
I'm the one who won't show my actually feeling in my face
So somehow I'm very sad, but I will show the smile in my face
As Joker said "Now I see the funny side. Now I'm always smiling!"
Cry inside, Smile outside

Why so serious!?!

There

舅父
明早將會送您最後一程
也是我們最後一次和您走在一起
我想您已經在遠處看著我們
您那裡也是我的終點
只想到：
「今夕吾軀歸故土，他朝君體也相同」
大家也是向著這終點邁進
只是您先行一步而已
那就沒有什麼可怕，悲傷了
人生短短的數十年
不想再虛度每一秒
讓我真真正正在這世上好好活著看一看
然後再到您那處，相見......

Blind Spot of Myself

Tear off the lies
Don't believe the truth
I don't afraid to cry
But is it really good to be alive?
I draw my mind on the blog
Let future me to ridicule what I did before
Each of the post is a grid of film
Slowly, repeatedly to play it again
In the stopped moment
I record it inside the words
Let me sit silent on the floor, hide inside the box
Read again each word I wrote
Help me once again to know myself in this blind spot

Primary 5 student

Surfing the internet without any purpose
*But luckily find an essay from a Primary School :

A Dive-sub Trip

          When I was taking photos, I saw a monster. Its eyes are big. Its nose is big. Its mouth is big. It has no body. Its face is big. Its hand is small. It was scary and ugly. It knocked on the dive-sub door because it was bored and wanted to go inside. I prayed that the monster would not come. My friend also prayed. In the end, I and my friend thought we would die, but Jesus helped us to go up to the sea surface. I and my friend were very happy.

By Sin Long Sang

 

Written by a Primary 5 student ... 10 years old
I really want to meet him (I guess he is a boy)
Blog "SINg a LONG S@NG" post an essay written by Sin Long Sang
What a funny thing! XD




* Ref: http://www.htsps.edu.hk/Web/05_stuPlace/lang-eng/0708/2nd_5B24.htm

Woke up from Dream

星期日晚上發左Lee個夢：

＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝

我係一個商場既鋪頭出面睇梗野
而我帶緊handfree接駁住右手褲袋裡的iphone
突然我發覺有人用手拉handfree條線
連我iphone都拎起左
我轉頭一望，一個好醜樣地中海既呀叔
佢想偷我部iphone
我一望，佢就走
雖然佢偷唔到，但我唔想俾佢就咁走左去
我咪追佢lor......追左一段路
點知佢突然停左，轉身係我面前
用手拉我條handfree線，拉起左部iphone
跟住係我面前偷左佢，轉頭就走
我呆左，真係好嬲
我一路大叫偷野，一路追
但對腳好似唔多識郁咁
可能因為現實既我剛剛行完山好倦啦
但我大叫既時間，好多人都幫我手追
佢地幫我捉住左個地中海
個死人地中海就話係我賣部iphone俾佢，唔係偷
我就好嬲咁講：唔駛講咁多，報警啦
跟住去到警局，我就對警察講番事件既經過
個地中海就冷笑咁話我講大話
佢講左句：o靚仔，你幾大呀？我駛偷你D野?
聽完，我嬲得好緊要，就不斷用粗口鬧佢
最後佢可以保釋...佢跟住我
我又不停用粗口鬧佢，直情想打佢
但我記得係夢既最後，我問佢：你幾*多歲呀?**
(*為粗口字眼)

 ＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝夢完，醒左＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝

初初夢醒，我真係唔知個夢點解
後來大概自己都估到Ｄ......

...
是緣是債是場夢
夢迴夢醒都心痛
...

是嗎？

Cat Metacarpal Pad

我很喜歡貓狗
剛剛在網上搵到 1 Set 貓肉球的 Javascript
即刻儲齊佢係我個 blog 度

[猫の肉球]

哈哈，真係好得意!!!

Good to be Alive

陳奕迅－活著多好

...
遇著什麼　煩～惱
想跟我說　都可聽到
翻到有趣　圖畫
何妨大笑　讓妙事亦被我看～～到

遊玩時　開心一點　不必掛念我

來好好給我活著　就似最初

仍然在呼吸都應該　要慶賀
如果想哭　可試試對嘉賓滿座......
說個笑話　紀念我
...

不斷哼著這首歌......

Immovability like a Mountain

出自 作者：孫武 春秋 《孫子兵法》
始計第一；作戰第二；謀攻第三；
軍形第四；兵勢第五；虛實第六 ；
軍爭第七；九變第八；行軍第九；
地形第十；九地第十一；
火攻第十二；用間第十三

其中第七項：”軍爭第七” 中的

...

故其疾如風，

其徐如林，

侵掠如火，

不動如山，

難知如陰，

動如雷震。

...

看罷孫武寫的這數句話，感受良多
真是對古人所說的佩服得”五體投地”
這將是我來年要學的
也將是對我人生一個好重要的座右銘
其中”不動如山”這一句的意思
和 One Piece 中 羅洛亞‧卓洛 說過的：
「其實我沒有任何想法。
不相信也不懷疑．．．
如果肯定某種想法．．．
一旦知道事情的真相，
在之後的那一瞬間，
動作就會變慢。」
有異曲同工之妙
不能短時間令自己做到全部六句文字
但至少未來這一年澳洲之行
我一定要學到「不動如山」...
「三十，立而不惑」

Tomorrow Barcamp

Tomorrow is day of Hong Kong barcamp 2009, so excited
I still haven't prepare what I am going to talk in barcamp
But I think after people share their knowledge or thought
It will inspire me the idea about what internet look like in the future
In this few days, my mind occur many ideas
Including internet, game, notebook...etc.
Thanks mkow inspire me alot
Also I'm waiting Son's idea too
Before: "三個臭皮匠，勝過一個諸葛亮"
Now: Three QAs with their wits combined equal Zhuge Liang the master mind
haha......Barcamp, I'm coming!

Blog Myself

Everyday look inside the mirror
For the reason that I don't want to hurt again
Type "haha" in the message
For the reason that I don't want to be so upset
Type my sadness in the blog world
For the reason that it's the only way to unlock the cure
No need to say any word
No need to understand who I am
I don't mean to make me cry
However, obviously the trace of tears in my face
You will not see it
But you can feel it in my words
Although I don't want to be lonely
I just want to be alone
Just stay in my blog with me silently
To across every midnight...

Goodbye Myself

I cry when I write about you
I cry when I type about you
I cry when I think about you
I cry when I dream of you
I cry when no one beside
My tears drop falling
On my face
On my shirt
On my hand
On the pillow
On my heart
I can't believe why I still cry for you
I loved the one when first time I saw you
But no longer be here
Don't let me suffer
I can’t bring me back
Only say goodbye to myself......

 

　
　
　

Hong Kong

Living in Hong Kong for almost the time
Did you ever sit down silently to see this living place?
I didn't......
I think it is the time for me to see the real Hong Kong
From day to night

Girl inside dream

I haven't write more than one post for a picture
This is the first time I write it for twice
I love this picture
Because I miss the one inside......
Also same ending as before

Lying on the bed
I saw you stand beside me
I could not see your face clearly
But I knew you are smiling
You put your hand on my head
"It's really warm" I said
You kept silent in the air
The feeling was so upset
Why? Why let me dream of you again
I don't want to forget
However I also don't want to be sad
When can I escape
in this repeated, melancholy soreness

Awake from dream
Look inside the mirror
The one still here, with tears......

　
　

Friend's Encouragement

轉載自： ２００９年０９月０９日　am730
心事- 素黑
做能做的

...
身邊不少朋友和親人近日都感受著傷痛，各有各的傷口，人在脆弱時候，懷著再大的意志和信念， 也會疲憊和軟弱，感到渺小，再多的安慰說話，也無法撫平內心的痛。這時候，不管是為自己或別人，我們只能量力而為，做自己能承擔的事，其他的，只能交給上天，也合情合理。畢竟我們不是上帝，也不是超人，我們不過是平凡的血肉，堅強而脆弱。看到需要幫助的，能做多少便盡力，最終幫不了，或無法長遠幫助，也只能留給自然定律。重要是我們保持正面心態，氣餒時也不忘自愛，先活好自己。悲傷時不用天天掛著笑容，流淚時告訴自己世界再壞也有可愛小孩無邪的笑聲，已是最好的安慰。
...

內心的痛，是不能言語
不能用文字來表達出來
人的脆弱，是今朝在這裡
明天已不在的那種無奈
人大了
安慰的說話不需要多
因為那些說話
自己也可以對自己說
明白那些說話和
你可以聽到多少入耳是兩碼子的事
自己的問題，自己的痛苦
最終解決的都是要自己
對我來說，知已朋友
點一點頭，拍一拍膊頭
更勝千言萬語．．．．．．
．
．
．
我也是這樣對我的朋友
這也是我所能做的

　
　
　

Thirty

出自《論語•為政》孔子曰：
「吾十有五而志於學，
三十而立，
四十而不惑，
五十而知天命，
六十而耳順，
七十而從心所欲，
不踰矩。」

孔子（前552年10月3日或前551年9月28日－前479年）
享年７３歲
這篇是孔子晚年寫他自己一生的文章
大膽套用在小弟身上
我還處於第一，二句之間
「吾十有五而志於學」
自己說不上有志趣，但至少學習到基本知識
「三十而立」
雖不到三十，但不遠矣．．．
還不能立下自己的理念
仍處於摸索階段
如果真的如孔子說：「四十而不惑」
那現在的我真的很困惑
希望在三十之前能定下來

斗膽改一改孔子這篇文章給自己：
 「吾十有五而志於玩，
雙十而奮，
二十多而惑，
．．．．．．」

我想我沒有孔子那麼長命
如果我有六十歲命
那麼快已走了一半
在現時迷惑的自己
不知道做什麼才能 「立」
但知道如果什麼也不做
往後只會 「三、四、五、六十而惑」
定下三十是自己一個里程碑
在之前做一些自己不敢做的事
希望令自己知道往後的路怎樣走
「三十，立而不惑」
　
　
　

Hot - Blooded

Lee段時間意志好消沉
做乜都冇衝勁
好頹廢，好洩氣
前日再聽番 Mr. Children 首 "Kurumi"
以為會好番Ｄ
點知都係咁．．．
就係Lee個咁既時間
係船上一個人戇居居
打開部 Netbook
竟然唔記得左．．．
我有 "One Piece" 睇
即刻由第一期睇起
睇左２，３期到
正到呢．．．冇野好講
個種熱血又出番黎
至少，係未來幾個星期
係未睇完多一次 "One Piece" 之前
都可以 Keep 住咁熱血
真係好．．．哈哈

　
　
　

Balloon with hole

All things in my mind like a mess
I cannot understand what I said
My hands cannot type what I think
Just like tied my hands when typing
I lost my striving heart
Like a balloon with a hole
The air escaping when it is blow
I don't know what am I doing now
I don't know what am I thinking now
Just day after day, week after week
If you were me
Would you do the same thing like me?

Gray Dream

I think I was dreaming
Inside it was raining
Although there was no surface feeling
My heart still got pain
It seems I am always waiting
Waiting for something
As the time goes by
I still don't know why
There is no other color, only gray
The people without face, I won't afraid
The scene without you still need to play
There is no road for me to escape......

Awake from dream
Look inside the mirror
The one still here, with tears......

kurumi (kuru mirai)

久違了的音樂
重載的熱情
很喜歡這首歌
也是對自己的一種認同
何時去那裡
何時做什麼
都已經不再重要
重要的是
我對明天的自己仍有信心
衝吧......
"向前走吧　踏上沒有你的這條路上"

Backpack

Today Just bought the backpack with cow and kuen
Thanks Master Wong and his wife so that we had discount
When I carried the backpack on the way to home
I felt so excited...Just like I'm going right now
The feeling is great when you decided to do something you want
Whatever is right or not...
I still have a lot of staffs need to buy
Money, Money and Money......wanna die
I think I need to bring rice box in coming time again
My backpack: Tatonka yukon light 60L

Mr. Mok

剛剛去左匯豐總行去攞Ｄ保險資料
去到Ｄ人問我要咩類型既保險既資料
我諗都冇諗就講左旅遊保(可能成日諗住去旅行啦)
但係等梗既時候先發覺我想要既係醫療保
所以見職員＃１既時候我同佢講我想要既野
佢就ＰＡＳＳ我去職員＃２度
職員＃２就講解醫療保既野
(當然佢地唔會放過ＳＡＬＥ其他保險既機會啦)
聽左一輪，當然要攞Ｄ資料返去睇睇再諗諗啦
但同時我又要搞信用咭Ｄ野
咁職員＃２話要搵另外既職員幫我
要我等等．．．
等左一陣，原來都係去番職員＃１度
我一見佢叫我，我地對望笑左一笑
我同佢講要搞信用咭Ｄ野
佢問我攞身分證Ｄ資料
當然，好快就搞掂啦
跟住佢竟然同我講佢同我同名
只係唔同姓，又俾職員証我睇
一睇之下，又係真ＷＯＲ
英文譯音同中文名都係一樣
係個姓唔同．．．
佢講佢８４年出世，我就大佢幾年啦，哈哈
唔知點解，又會咁”橋”識到個同名既人
莫生...I will remember you!!!
　
　
　

Two Choose One

Today is 4th of September, it's a little bit special for me
2 more months later I will go to Australia for 1 year working holiday trip
I specially create a blog call "Cheung Chau Boy" to write and record down for this trip
However I just wondering is it good to use "SINg a LONG S@NG" to record down the trip
The reason why I open 2 blogs because for the blog: "SINg a LONG S@NG" I use to write or express my feeling, emotion, mood...etc. Mostly are something sad.
For the blog: "Cheung Chau Boy" I create it really for the trip, but after the trip end it also means the blog end...

Use the blog: "SINg a LONG S@NG" to record 1 year Australia trip
or use the new blog "Cheung Chau Boy"?

Still thinking......

Every Night

My frame of mind
Dropped from top to ground
In here every single line
Represent thousand feelings in my heart
Specially at the silence midnight
My mind will get madness
Imagine the thing that can't be imagine
Erase the memory that can't be erase
Cut off all nerve connection
Snip off all bloody vascular
Become a puppet figure
Sit down in front of the computer
Type the senselessness characters
It will never be over
Until all is over

Heart Puzzle

這是一棵３Ｄ心形 Puzzle

弄散了，要用很久才能回復...... 

５年前

這棵心

曾經陪我一整晚上

我用”他”

曾經寫了一篇文章

．

．

．

５年後

 這棵心

”他”又出來陪伴我

同樣地

用”他”寫這篇文章

 今次，我不想弄散”他”

”他 ”散了傷了

我沒信心再令他回復原貌

散了的砌圖
砌好”他”，依舊是砌圖
缺少了的砌圖
”他”什麼東西也不是
I am nothing without ......

Withering Heart

Waiting for the loneliness

It give me the lost freedom

I'm finding my own reality

But my heart is withering

Why all are not the one?

Let the splendid time passed by

Pay the real heart, I will find the love

However it may hurt me completely

When I feel lonely again

It merely one of my sadness

The world is not 1 or 0, light or dark

Can I guard the only hope in my heart?

Sad but true that I lost again......

BarCamp

BarCamp Hong Kong 2009

Date: 12 September 2009, Sat
Time: 9:30 AM - 5:00 PM
Venue: Turner International Asia Pacific Ltd, 30/F, Oxford House, Taikoo Place, Quarry Bay, Hong Kong
Description:

BarCamp was born in Palo Alto, California in 2005. In just three years, it has become an international network of user generated conferences — open, participatory workshop-events, whose content is provided by the attendees — often focusing on early-stage web applications, and related open source technologies, social protocols, and open data formats.
Last year's event drew in 100 participants from all walks of the Internet in Hong Kong; budding entrepreneurs, web designers, cutting edge programmers, mobile experts, game developers & designers, academics, bloggers, social media specialists, investors and media owners.

I have signed up to join this event.
As a part of IT (I claimed to be an IT person XD)
I think I have responsibility to listen / share the opinion about internet

here is the link:


Come, speak and learn at BarCamp Hong Kong!

Uncle, I miss you forever

剛剛放工後和媽咪通個電話
知道舅父今朝11點去左天國
cancer......
我知道我媽咪好唔開心
我都唔知可以點開解佢
唯有坐係度靜靜聽佢講
我舅父俾我感覺表面嚴肅
但內裡又好和藹
對自己屋企人又好
真係一個好男人
點解個天咁早就搵佢上去呢？
好人，真係有好報嗎？

今早寫了一篇＜Self-hypnosis＞
內裡轉載了有關於輔導親人離世者既催眠文章
我想，我今晚可以再見到我的舅父了......
「現在我們一家離地往前飛，飛到天上雲端，重遇了你 --- 舅父，已很久沒見，走上前緊緊地擁抱，重新感覺到他的體溫，他的身體，看到他的笑容，嗅到他頭髮獨有的氣味，向他說出我們心裡話。他真幸福，有一位如此愛他的我們，事實上，他並沒有離我們而去，他一直在我們心中，永遠期盼一家人健康快樂，始終如一。」

舅父，我會永遠懷念你
Rest in peace

Self-hypnosis

以下是一篇催眠治療師 Natalie 用黎輔導親人離世者
讓他們想像與親人重聚的一刻
轉載自：
28 08 2009 am730

眠眠細語- Natalie
喪禮中的藝人們

...
「現在你離地往前飛，飛到天上雲端，重遇你最記掛的人，已很久沒見，走上前緊緊地擁抱，重新感覺到他的體溫，他的身體，看到他的笑容，嗅到他頭髮獨有的氣味，向他說出你心裡話。他真幸福，有一位如此愛他的你，事實上，他並沒有離你而去，他一直在你心中，永遠期盼你健康快樂，始終如一。」
... 

試試合起雙眼
幻想這樣情景
離開了你的人
在天上守護你
.
.
.
用同樣的方法，幻想自我催眠：
 「和你對望，你仍是依舊的笑容，慢慢走上前，沒有擁抱，只是輕輕拖著你的手。我像個大細路般，不斷的說著，試圖令你開心，你卻只是靜靜耐心的聽著我說話。我們邊走邊說笑，突然，我不能前進，而你卻繼續向前走，我們拖著的手終於分開了。你往他那裡走去，他也輕輕拖著你的手，你仍是依舊的對我笑著，但漸漸已看不清了。而我卻站在那裡，永遠祝福你 ......」





只剩下不能說出寫不下來的感覺
No tears in my eyes......