Sing a lonely song

每日最辛苦都係臨訓前和睡醒後的一刻
在想睡與未睡前的時間
腦裡想的著一些沒可能發生的事
不斷重複問自己為何這樣
倦極而睡......
睡醒後有一，兩秒時間未清醒
但完全醒來後恐怖的事就來了
所有記憶像數支針般一下子注入空洞的腦
4年的回憶，開心的回憶，傷心的回憶
失去了你的事實......

和以前一樣，陪伴著我有Linkin Park的歌
傷心聽著，歌詞狠狠的敲進心裡
現在多了兩首：

========================================

[周杰倫 安靜]

作詞：周杰倫　作曲：周杰倫　編曲：鍾興民

只剩下鋼琴陪我彈了一天
睡著的大提琴　安靜的舊舊的

我想你已表現的非常明白
我懂我也知道　你沒有捨不得

你說你也會難過我不相信
牽著你陪著我　也只是曾經
希望他是真的比我還要愛你
我才會逼自己離開

你要我說多難堪　我根本不想分開
為什麼還要我用微笑來帶過
我沒有這種天份　包容你也接受他
不用擔心的太多　我會一直好好過
你已經遠遠離開　我也會慢慢走開
為什麼我連分開都遷就著你
我真的沒有天份　安靜的沒這麼快
我會學著放棄你　是因為我太愛你

========================================

[陳小春 我愛的人]

填詞:施人誠, 作曲:周杰倫, 編曲:吳慶隆


我知道故事不會太曲折　我總會遇見一個什麼人
陪我過沒有了她的人生　成家立業之類的等等

她做了她覺得對的選擇　我只好祝福她真的對了
愛不到我最想要愛的人　誰還能要我怎樣呢

我愛的人　不是我的愛人
她心裡每一寸　都屬於另一個人
她真幸福　幸福得真殘忍
讓我又愛又恨　她的愛怎麼那麼深

我愛的人　她已有了愛人
從他們的眼神　說明了我不可能

每當聽見　她或他說「我們」
就像聽見愛情　永恆的嘲笑聲

========================================

Life like the song？Or song like a life？
Just more than one people have the same encounter
Through the melody and lyric to express the same story
How about my song？As long as I still alive
Even though you are no longer in the lyric
The song must go on
Merely a lonely song of mine

Decision......

留下來的話
有工作，會學識面對
但變得麻木，和有機會俾我再去WHV嗎？

過去WHV的話
可以尋找自己，變得獨立
但其實係自我放逐，逃避現實，不負責任

如果你係我，你會選擇邊個？

======================================

我想去WHV既原因
係好自私，可以唔駛面對
憧憬可以用辛苦既旅程黎麻醉自己
而且，我怕，我怕我係香港既每一日
痛，唔開心，失落，喊，孤獨，無助，失控
差唔多所有NEGATIVE既野都感受左
朋友既幫助，係開心番
但自己感受到自己既改變
而且不是好的改變

我唔想再次改變




The chance is here
Capture it？Let it slip？
I must choose one
For sure, when I choose the way for myself
I don't want to hurt anybody
I want to bear all the pain
At least, my whole heart-scarred already

I don't want it that way

上個星期五多得一班朋友
在沒有酒精既情況下徹夜開解
雖然冇講過D乜野
但想通了一些
明白自己冇左D咩，失去左D咩
多謝佢地既陪伴

之後冇訓過
應承左媽咪係碼頭幫手攞傢俬
傢俬未到，我同媽咪坐在係碼頭
我終於決定開口講俾佢聽
佢聽完之後，有問點解好好地會咁架
人地女仔黎架麻
你要就下人，讓下人麻
唔好同人鬧交
係唔係人地嫌棄你D咩呀
--- 我既視線由向媽咪既方向
轉了向另一邊
我怕我流了眼淚
我想對她說：我有做到
但我只答佢：都過左去了

之後我同媽咪講我想去working holiday
解釋咩叫working holiday 同埋我點解想去做
當然佢唔知真正既理由
我同佢講我想去見識下，學下野
佢就好擔心我
我都唔係第一次出國
我叫佢唔駛擔心
我有份工，但現在要放棄
我知我好任性
我同佢講：俾我任性埋LEE一次，好嗎？
講個時有少少激動
因為我做左個唔負責又任性既決定
但我真係好想去搵番我自己
God, please bless me.



Try to shout out, the things in mind
All words were stuck in throat can't go outside

Open the mouth, nothing but cry
Its better than empty feeling and hollow inside

Eyes on me there's no tears only sorrow
That's why I hide my true reality in other side

Fully of pain filling in my heart
Physically tired,
Mentally died,
Life is a lie.......



For me, no more smile



That's why I decided to find......

I am faint

Please
Please
Please

Please help me to leave here

I don't want to stay at home
I don't want to stay in the office
I don't want to walk on the street
I don't want to pretend I am fine
I don't want to pretend to smile
I don't need alcohol
I don't need encouraged
I don't want to cry.......


I just want you beside me.......


No...No...No more hope for me



[Linkin park - Faint]

I am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints but I can't help the fact
That everybody can see these scars
I am what I want you to want, what I want you to feel
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you
To just believe this is real
So I, let go watching you turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here cause you're all that I've got

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored

I am, a little bit insecure, a little unconfident
Cuz you don't understand I do what I can
Sometimes I don't make sense
I am, what you never wanna say, but I've never had a doubt
It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear me out
So I, let go watching you turn your back like you always do
You face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here cause you're all that I've got

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored

Hear me out now
You're gonna listen to me like it or not
Right now, hear me out now
You're gonna listen to me like it or not
Right now

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
I can't feel......

A letter to jiji

Dear jiji，

jiji你近來好嗎？有冇咬報紙曳曳呢？識
了你4年了，由初頭對天竺鼠的你一無所知
，了解你的可愛，到喜歡上你，我己當了你
是我的女兒了。
你現在有mon mon同你媽媽陪你，但你知
不知道你其他的朋友仔已經上了天國。你媽
媽好傷心，喊左好耐，我都好傷心，但我只
是偷偷地喊。兩個人一齊喊，邊個安慰對方
呢？所以你要乖乖咁健康地成長，唔好令你
媽媽擔心啦，知冇？jiji你或者唔知道，我鍾
意你地天竺鼠既程度竟然令我發夢夢見你
既同類死在我懷裡，我係夢裡喊左出黎，醒
左都好唔開心。
對唔住呀jiji，我走既一日冇見你一面，我
估以後都冇機會見到你，冇得將你放係我肚
腩上望著你，冇得摸你的頭，冇得幫你剪毛
洗白白，更加冇得疼你了。但我會一直都咁
鍾意你，掛住你，我知你會知道既。我喊住咁
打lee封信俾你，因為你冇機會睇到，聽到，知
道我有幾鍾意你，掛住你了。
你BB既相仍然係我電腦既wallpaper，望
住佢就好似陪住你一樣，黎減輕我對你既思
念...嗚嗚...嗚嗚嗚......我叫得好難聽，希望你
聽到啦。

健康地成長

愛你既爸爸
Answer

Rainwater, or tears?

Before you said

"It will be sunny after the rain"

Yes, you are right

＂雨後會天晴＂

但我不屬於那片晴空
我不是一個悲劇人物
不應扮得如此悲慘
對，但我只是如實般寫出我的感受
還差一步，我們便一齊行人生另一階段
但現在只剩下我一個人了

現在問自己我是什麼
我比喪屍更不如
至少喪屍會咬人想食野
但我連食慾都沒有
連呼吸生存的權利都想放棄
我什麼都不是......
我知道你看不起現在的我
我也看不起我自己
只是，連我自己也不知道
你在我心目中的分量
原來那麼重，真的很重
重得能將我整個人打垮
完完全全粉碎了......

You, complete my life
Also make me in pieces
Although I become a small piece
I still love you, can't forget the love you gave me
Everything about you, never forget......

Find somewhere I belong

[Linkin park - Somewhere I belong]

When this began
I had nothing to say
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused
And I let it all out to find
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind
Inside of me
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
Nothing to lose
Just stuck/hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I've held so long
[erase all the pain 'til it's gone]
I wanna heal, I wanna feel
Like I'm close to something real
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everywhere/only to find
That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
So what am I
What do I have but negativity
'Cause I can't justify the way everyone is looking at me
Nothing to lose
Nothing to gain/hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I've held so long
[erase all the pain 'til it's gone]
I wanna heal, I wanna feel
Like I'm close to something real
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

I will never know
Myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel
Anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be
Anything 'til I break away from me
And I will break away
I'll find myself today

I wanna heal, I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long
[erase all the pain 'til it's gone]
I wanna heal, I wanna feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

I wanna heal
I wanna feel like I'm
Somewhere I belong

Somewhere I belong....

沒有地方讓我哭
每晚在床上
陪著我的只有你曾經睡在我旁的影像
無論張開眼, 或者合上眼
腦袋只有思念
淚水便從眼流出來
不能哭出聲, 不能讓人知道
直至淚水流乾......

我還能撐多久
不知道, 每日也想完結的念頭

我快不行了......

Pity me, let me rest in peace

你曾經問我有幾愛你, 我冇答到你lee個問題
而家, 我知我有幾愛你了
因為我有幾愛你, 我現在就有多痛
因為我愛到你死, 所以我現在痛得要死
因為怕痛, 所以我逃避, 所以我想死

如果有方法, 請讓我靜靜的死去吧
不要讓我每日都受著相同的苦
夜已深睡不了, 睡醒來卻更痛
不想再瘦下去, 但又沒有胃口
每日拖住個乜都冇既軀殼,
當一空閒就想到你, 當一看到些什麼就想到你
那種痛就好似把刀再次插入心裡
難度要我痛到沒感覺嗎? 要我對所有事麻目嗎?
不要這樣折磨我, 好嗎?

Nothing worse than
you are tired, you close your eyes, but can't sleep
you are hungry, you want to eat, but throw up what you ate
you love her, you want to marry her, but she loves another one
............................

If god exists, please pity me, let me rest in peace

When I don't love you?!?

轉載自 : http://qbar.qq.com/u2007616/2303.htm

當你不再愛我，當愛你已成爲你的負擔，當相愛已是一種痛苦，那麽，我選擇放棄。

放棄你，是因爲愛你。因爲愛你，所以不願看見你不快樂；因爲愛你，所以不願看著你強忍內心的掙扎；因爲愛你，所以不願看見你勉強的笑容；因爲愛你，所以願意放了你。
當愛已成往事，又何必苦苦追尋？強求得不到幸福，強求只能拉大你我的裂痕，只能加深你我的痛楚。如果你真的想走，我無言，只能任你去。
曾經以爲你是風箏，我手中握著那根線，無論任你飛向何方，我最終都是你的歸屬。現在終於明白，其實愛你，就不應該束縛你。
“春花秋月何時了，往事知多少？”往事如風，不如就讓它隨風而去。當一切成空，惟有回憶伴我。時間能沖淡一切，包括我愛你的心。
不願意你看見我的眼淚，因爲怕你會心軟，怕你不開心。因爲愛你，所以不會用淚水強留，所以放了你。你的心已遠去，我又何苦留下你的人？
雖然我渴望天長地久，但如果那只是一種奢求，那我不如只求曾經擁有。曾經擁有過你的愛，這已足夠。因爲有一種愛，叫做放棄。
放棄不是無私的奉獻。放棄你，這不僅是對你的愛，更是對我自己的呵護。放棄你，我很痛心，但我不會後悔。讓你從我的生命中消失，是因爲“長痛不如短痛”。當我容顔盡老、行將就木，我依然不會後悔。因爲曾經愛過你。
因爲愛你，所以希望你快樂。
有人說過這個世界不會有永恒的愛情。愛你，就讓你去追尋你的幸福。只要你快樂，我也就快樂。
因爲你的一切，我都在意。
如果你要離開我，我不會怪你，只能怪我自己，怪自己太愛你。 也許是我過分的寵溺讓你習慣平靜，也許是我過分的放任讓你沒有責任，也許是我過分的愛憐讓你壓力重重，也許是愛情她美麗的容顔讓你迷失方向。只怪你我有緣無份。
當你想要離去，請別管我，你只需告訴我，你不再愛我，你要走。我一定會讓你走，不會乞求你留下，哪怕聽見自己心碎的聲音。當你離去，請別再回頭。回頭是一種錯誤，回頭是對你我的不公。去了，就不要再後悔。
因爲愛你，就該放了你。
因爲我知道，有一種愛叫做放棄，那是對你最深的愛。
愛一旦消失.承諾只是白纸

The Time to Write

開心既時侯係唔會寫野,
因為你只會嫌時間唔夠, 唔可以再多D,
咁又點會有空去寫野呢?

所以寫得野既時間多數係唔開心既,
你唔開心可能因為你寂寞, 混亂, 傷心......咁一定亂諗野,
但lee個時候先至係最多靈感最感性最Creative wor,
你話有乜辦法唔寫野呢?

而家我係唔係唔開心? 又唔係wor
我唔想又變番係唔開心先寫野既時候,
有時係唔知自己諗乜既時間寫野,
諗到D乜就寫D乜, 寫出黎好無聊但又幾得意WOR,
原來自己都有咁無聊過,
而且...唔駛將lee D 野係電話講出黎悶到人麻


P.S. 我睇完都覺得悶, 真係"不該"啦